Article | Michael Deabold; Photography | Annie O’ Sullivan
“Who can you trust when you turn on yourself?”
I’m one of those people who stares in the mirror and doesn’t like what they see. But it’s not my appearance that I don’t like. It’s the person staring back at me.
I look past myself and see what’s inside.
All this self doubt that’s saying I’m not good enough.
The unsettled child deep, I hide.
The negative person I can’t escape.
The fuck up that’ll never get it right.
Starting to think my easy going persona is just a mask.
I see selfishness, self righteousness and my temper.
I see me being a terrible friend.
I feel my innocence and youth slowly wearing off.
And the world is breaking my back, from the weight I pinned upon it.
Conflicted to what I believe.
No one deserves me, but I don’t deserve them either.
Drawing battle lines in the sand against people who may or may not deserve it.
I don’t like how I am, but I like the way I think.
I want people listen to my advice, but I could never take it myself.
Am l a leader or a dictator?
I want everyone to be like me, but I hate myself.
So why would I want that?
The black in my eyes says it all.
The shadow of my former self has returned.
The sixteen year old I thought I killed, reappears.
I say to myself “I grew passed you, little boy, you no longer own me.”
You can take your darkness with you, when you leave.
“I am a novelty, but I’m twice the man I used to be”
Opening and closing quotes from “Hate Me” & “Bear with Me” by Bayside.